Why am I SO Tired

Helen Index : 5
Mood        : Tired

Things are better, I have come to terms with the work I am doing - Just my artistic temperament - I hope! But I feel so tired at the moment - probably due to the weather, it has rained everyday since we got back from the UK. All I want to do at the moment is go back to bed for an hour or so, but I have so much to do today... Mind you I could spend an hour thinking how to do something, I also have several adds to regenerate from scratch and some content to find (OK I don't have to do that). And in the back of my mind is all the work that needs to be done on the house, but for some reason I don't feel that enthusiastic about that.
Last night we watched an old Cold Case episode, about the murder of a Gay Guy.. The end was a gay wedding, I just went so soppy I almost cried... I really do love Theresa. So why is living so hard, if I don't keep in hard control is is so easy just to slip down to where I can not see any reason to keep going, there are times when it all seems so pointless. But that is when I let go, at the moment I just keep my head down and push on..

Back from Trip and Back to Bed

Helen Index : 6-7 jumping to 9 but under control.
Mood        : Very Low

Falling off of a wall, then getting a bad head cold (I will not go deeply into what has been coming out of my nose, just to say that I have not seen that shade of fluorescent yellow in nature before....) and having problems with the plane flights both to the UK and back again. It's funny that the problems were with BA and not Iberia flights.... But after a fast week we did eventually get back to La Palma, one of our bags arriving a day later via a completely different route... The result of all of this is that I am totally out of it. I did not get dressed yesterday and slept half the day. Most of that was due to a bad reaction to changes to a Mag. layout that I am doing. I don't mind changes But asking the impossible and making big changes to what I thought was agreed, with only a week before it need to be at the printers. I don't blame the messenger at all, But I think that the person asking for the changes does not know what they are talking about... I had to go to bed after an hours work as I was getting so worked up that I was tempted to tell them what they could do with it... Thoughts of silting my wrists were back.
BUT I did keep it under control, and get back to the layout later yesterday. It's sad that after a year and a half, one small bit of perceived criticism can send be spiraling down, when I thought that things were going a lot better. It may have been a lot better if all the other crap had not happened. But then it may just be my artistic temperament showing its self...

Some Good, Some Bad, And a pain in the Back

Helen Index : 6
Mood        : Low

Last week I fell off a wall, only about 1.5M (about 4feet) but I landed on an assortment of rocks and a 3 inch diameter pipe. The result of which was a trip to the Doctors and then to the hospital as the Doctor thought that I may have broken a rib or two. I haven't, but they said that I had bruised them badly.

The result of all this is that I have taken a big nose dive. I seem to be very insular - not wanting to be around people and paranoid that things are going to go terribly wrong - somewhere... Tomorrow we are off to the UK to see my first Grandchild, Theo, I am very nervous about flying at the moment, not about crashing just about missing connections etc...

I watched The Catwoman movie yesterday, and good quote from it was "When you are truly comfortable with who and what you are you are Free" Ok its not an exact match but I think its good.