Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Down again

Why is it that when things seem to be coming together I fall apart. Today I feel that just giving up and ending it all. I don't want to die really but I just feel like I can not cope. But what is it I can not cope with, things that a few days ago I would have just not even thought about are making me see red. Also I feel like I am no good.

What Have I got to do that is winding me up so much - is it the fact that I have to do some drawings for thereby, I will admit that I probably want to do a better job than is needed but is that what has got me wanting to reach for the knife.

Things seem to be coming together for the move ok, but there are all ways the small things that seem to get to me - like getting paper work done, will we have a place to move to by the time we arrive on the Island with the car.. Nothing is unsumountable but I seem to get so up tight about anything.

I seem to be very angry with Dan this morning - just for leaving his computer down loading so that it was using most of our bandwidth and I could not get on the web to do the few bits I need to do, there were some of the old flashing thoughts of destroying things .. I don't like myself when I feel like that.

Although I have a lot to do I think I will go and spend a while in bed and see how I feel later.

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