It seems that just trying to live life is almost impossible at the moment, what ever I try to do fills me with dread, but I still keep trying. How does one try to rebuild a totally destroyed self confidence? I don't know. What will bring me happiness, is it Art.. Perhaps its just finding who I am in this world.
Here I am sitting on my bed lisening to Queen and writing in this Blog.. And suprisingly I achaly feel good! Ok I have done one of the photoshop lesions - the first one in a week or so. Yesterday I even did some drawing - only 10 minutes but it was something. Sometimes doing nothing but lisening to music is a good thing, I wonder if some of my problem is that I am forcing my self, trying to run before I can even crawl?
This Blog is a journal of my journey from depression and suicide hopefully to a better life as an artist. Over the last 6 years I have been in psychiatric hospitals 3 times - once after a suicide attempted 6 years ago and then twice in the last 3 months. The last time was after a small overdose, followed by an attempted to slash my wrist in hospital and then an attempted at strangling my self using the bandage from my wrist. (I was on suicide watch at the time as well).
Who Am I
- Helen Of Pern
- La Palma Canary Islands, Spain
- A 40 somthing aspiring artist, who has spent most of her life as someone else.
Helen Index Explained
- 0 = Very Very Happy (this is an unnatral state)
- 1 = Very Happy
- 2 = Happy Normal state for most pepole
- 3 = Feel ok - nutral
- 4 = Down but ok
- 5 = Thoughts of Suiside once or twice a week
- 6 = Thoughts of Suiside once or Twice a Day
- 7 = Start Planing Suiside, Hide feelings from others
- 8 = Planing continues, start implimentation
- 9 = Self harm
- 10 = Atempt Suiside
Fun with photoshop
My Other Blogs
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