Hiding

The last few days have been very difficult, nothing seems to have set it off, but I have been plagued by feelings of anxiety. These are accompanied by thoughts of self harm or wanting someone else harming me. Today I just stayed in bed for most of the morning and slept, on and off, with thoughts of cutting my stomach or leg, where none can see. So far these are just thoughts. Also I can get somethings done if I disperse them between taking a nap or playing Freecell on the Arcos.

On the subject of moving to La Palma; things are moving on, most of the packing is done (well there seems to be a lot of odds and ends that need to be collected together, but the rest is done), The things for the car seem to be growing and I wonder if we will have enough room... Money is my main worry, we have things all planed out and seem to be keeping to the budget but as we don't know everything, if anything big comes up we could be in a problem, and then others think we are loaded and keep asking us to do or pay for things - I find it hard to say no.. So I end up worrying about things.

One small thing I have accomplished is a simple 3D model in AutoCad. Never done it before but it seems to have come out ok.. What do you think, I know it is not much but I feel that it is a small achievement , and for me any achievement is important.

To night is Theresa's (and my old) works Christmas party, so I am sitting here after a shower doing my nails - at least I am going (at the moment) as I had serious doubts that I could this morning.