Walking

Out on my morning walk, (I am trying to lose whight - and it looks like it may be working, I needed to do the belt up one more notch this morning), I started daydreaming about stumbling across a film crew doing a detective show with a Transexal detective. Ok a silly daydream, but it ended up in a bit of a laugh when I came apon a REAL film crew seting up at the top of the Rookery (If you live in south London you may now know where I go walking in the mornings). It just seemed funy that here I was daydreaming about finding a film crew in the Rookery and then here they were...

Now the point of my day dream was that I ended up taling with the actris that was playing the dectective and I invited her home to talk about my experances during transition and life as a transexal. After coming acrose the real film crew the daydream sort of petered out and I started to think about what I was dreaming about. It seems that a lot of the time in my dreams (most of the ones that I have while I am awake that is) I seem to make freands with important peapel like this actris, I can even remeber dreaming about making feinds with roalty, and they want to be freinds with me becouse they NEED ME! But in real life I would probably run the other way. My dream me seems to be so different from the persion that I am - I just can not live up to that persion.

This is where I start feeling deprested and uptight. I have had a few epersodes latly where I start feeling very anxus and then - Wham! like a flash gun in the dark - this feeling of killing myself arives. Most of the time I can just cope with it, but if I am down, that is when bad things have happened in the past. At the moment it just knocks me of balance for a while.

Todays positive picture is below, I did this using an airbrush a few years ago for a present for my yungest doughter as she was (and still is) very much into Chinese culture.