Thoughts of the past - how did I get into all this

Helen Index : 4
Mood        : OK but confused

I was thinking, last week, about why I got into taking overdoses. I realised that is was nothing to do with trying to kill my self, at first, all I wanted to do was escape from the feelings that I was struggling under. I started to take "feminax" which is a combination of Caffeine and Paracetamol, it would put me into a state that felt a little like floating for a short while. For that short time I was free for the feelings that seemed to knot them selves around my stomach. That release only lasted for a very Short while and then I was sick for a very long while but I did it week after week. Some where in that time, I changed from waiting a short release to looking for a permanent one. I don't think that I have ever really wanted to take my life by committing suicide, I have too much I would like to do. Its just that there have been times when I just can not cope with the feelings that I have and just want out.
At the moment things are a lot better - most of the time, OK there are days when I would rather hide inside the house and most days I avoid others when I am alone. But, for some things, I think life is getting better.