Yesterday afternoon and evening were not very good for me. I just did not seem to be able to do anything except sit and watch junk on TV. I went to sleep last night planning to cut my arm this morning - using broken glass just picked up on the road. - I had pushed a blade into my arm but it was not sharp so did not go in far.
This morning I did pick up a peace of glass while I was on my walk but only touched it to my wrist before I though it in the bin. There are times when I just have to keep trying to get better but right now I feel as if I am slipping down. The need to cut and see my blood run is still in the back of my mind - I am not sure if I do it just as a release or if it is something more, most of the time I do not want to die but sometimes I feel like I just can not go on.
At this moment I feel ok, not too up tight, plan to go into town later and walk by the river and then meet my partner from work, Tomorrow we (me and my partner) are going away for the weekend at a star party, I hope that I will enjoy it and things go well.
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